The calendars are filled with festivities and obligations, the shopping is getting frantic, and why not throw in some seasonal surgery, shall we?

See, I was on the waiting list for an adenoidectomy and a deviated septum correction. First, I must tell you, because I had no idea, but adenoids (spongy thingy like tonsils) go away in your tweens. Like, your body reabsorbed them. What the shit? We’re such wild creatures. But mine never did. Mine were huge, and angry, and blocking my airwaves. While I was being examined for that, the doctor also noted my deviated septum and swollen turbanites, which are thingies I didn't know anyone had.

Fixing one might solve the breathing problem, but it was impossible to say which one, or which combination would do the trick. So, may as well do it all. I figured I'd get a call in the spring, and was excited it was in process. When my phone rang in late November for a December 11th appointment, I was hyped. Sooner rather than later, I figured. And sure, it's a busy month, but I foresaw myself up and kicking in no time. In fact, my boss banned me from the office once I told him I'd try to make it in the next day if I was feeling up to it. I'm quite silly. I can no longer wonder why my daughter doesn't take recovery time; my bad. Regardless, I told everyone I'd see them the following Monday.

I went into surgery making jokes, of course. I told the doctor I might run a marathon after this surgery. He asked if I had before, and I gave him a look. No, I hate cardio, I said. But maybe after this, it'll be different.

Coming out of anesthesia sucked. Having only done it once before, I didn't remember the uncomfortable struggle towards consciousness, sensations setting in, my immediate desire to be in the comfort of home while I suffered. A nurse saw me sitting and holding my head, and she gave me the look I'm used to getting from people who have only seen me joyful who catch me suddenly dark and introverted. She asked if I wanted my phone, and I said yes, because it seemed like what people want, but I didn't care; I just wanted to feel differently or be somewhere else. That passed soon enough though. I had a juice box, declined a snack, and waited to be freed.

Ok, so they had told me before that I would have stints in my nostrils for a week. Nbd, not that bad. What they didn't tell me, was that I wouldn't be able to breathe, and wasn't supposed to blow my nose or sniffle, for a week, despite the stuff coming out of me. So, in addition to the stints, I had gauze taped over my nose making me look remarkably like Groucho Marx. Convenient in a way, inconvenient in every other. I'm writing this with perfectly rouged dolls cheeks from where my skin is irritated from the tape. It's hilarious, to be fair, and seasonally, I could be a nutcracker.

Two days post-op, I was on stage doing comedy because it was Sleazy Christmas, and that also happens to be FTB’s biggest fundraiser event of the year. And because it was hilarious to show up bandaged and damaged…and because it was automatic bragging rights…and once in a lifetime photos. I felt great on stage, experiencing first hand what I've heard performers of all stripes describe as a spotlight endorphin rush that'll get you through just until curtain call. It erases the pain or the sick, and allows you to just be there. Stepping off stage, adrenalized and feeling awesome, I knew there was a very small window to smile and say my goodbyes before I would certainly crash. Again, I'm very silly, but I'm glad I did it.

I've been enjoying a kind of post-op clarity. My body and brain reserving energy, restructuring priorities as my body rebuilds. The background noise has been turned down, making things clear and simple. I do not have the energy to overthink, and so I don't. For instance, at home, mouth breathing and boogery, I realized I wanted McDonald's, and I ordered it. Duh, that's how getting McDonald's works; but what you don't know is how many unnecessary loops my brain usually takes: don't order, or if you're going to order, get something a little wholesome. And make it something where you can have leftovers later. Preferably something on sale. And I find myself scrolling and deciding I hate everything, and I'm not that hungry anyway. Not this time: hunger, order placed, delivered, eaten. My healing brain has no energy for the circuitous overthinking, and I appreciate that. I'd like to keep that after the healing is done.

It's been an unexpected practice of receiving loving care from a partner. It's not unexpected that he gave it (is giving it), it was a surprise how difficult it was for me to receive the heartfelt care. My learned experience told me that I am burdensome when needy, and to need -- and expect -- less. I had no idea! When I expressed that, my boyfriend assured me that wasn't true, and looked at me with tender sadness. I'd been doing it wrong. And while it feels great to do it right, I was moved by the years I'd let that feeling stand, and how many people I'd fully let into my life when they really only deserved a limited access pass. I’ll be processing this when I have more strength, but now I have a mental note to practice receiving with arms wide instead of fists clenched in anxiety.

Even my need to “show up” was met with a level of “this is impressive, but what the hell are you trying to do?” And that's a fair question. It reminded me that I am loved even when I can't show up -- or shouldn't. And I have a clear feeling the same goes for you, Dear Reader.

My favorite part right now is how lucky I feel. Having confirmed how the operation was done (I've binged some Botched in my day, so I had an idea, but I did look it up), I know this could be worse. My pain levels never got high, though there is pain and discomfort, and a load of inconvenience. Even leaving the hospital, I was acutely aware that I got off easy; I had dodged something, and I was grateful. In fact, multiple times each day I have been deeply moved by the feeling that my pain could be worse, my recovery could be harder. Yes, there's a ton of luck in that, and what can you say for such luck but thank you. And also my body, just days before my 47th birthday, is coping, and healing, and preventing further suffering in a spectacular way, and again, what can I say to that but thank you.

Of course, that gave me an idea, and then I went down a brief rabbit hole to confirm it: that very sense of gratitude is making me feel better. Studies have shown that gratitude reduces inflammation, releases dopamine and oxytocin, lowers stress, and increases emotional resilience. The benefits are more pronounced in people who make a habit of it, through a practice like journalling, or mindfulness rituals (and if you're reading this, you already know gratitude keeps me afloat). This is my first conscious experience of gratitude doing my body good (which of course makes me feel pretty grateful to myself for making those choices).

I'm hoping that wherever you find yourself right now, Dear Reader, tangled in tinsel or smoking in the dark alone, you can hold a light for gratitude. That you can truly appreciate those who have held you up and pushed you forward, along with those who pushed you away when you needed to go. I hope you can be grateful for every shot you took, even when they missed the mark, and I hope you're grateful for what you learned from each miss. May you be grateful for this body that still carries you, and all the unseen and incomprehensible tricks it performs every second of every day. May you feel grateful for the honest love you receive, the honest love you give, and also grateful for all those too honest to pretend to like you. And if you're struggling with all that, I hope you find gratitude in knowing that wherever you are, whoever you are, it could be so much worse.

MOVIE NIGHT

We're putting on a one night screening of a Canadian film classic, ‘the’ original slasher film that kicked off the entire genre; Black Christmas from 1974.

The film features a strong female cast driving the (unfortunate but perpetually true) narrative that women are often ignored and regarded as hysterical when faced with a dangerous situation.

The entire goal of this event is to raise money for the YWCA in support of women.

We will be donating the proceeds from the event, selling commemorative prints and as well as hosting a raffle to raise money. You will be given 1 raffle ticket at the door with your movie ticket but can purchase additional raffle tickets at the bar.

Raffle prizes so far:

Morning Gory Tattoo - gift certificate $100.

Black Christmas blu-ray + poster
Venin et Velours - gift certificate $50
Turbo Haüs - $50 gift certificate

Le Café Big Trouble - Breakfast for two.
Requiem Fear Fest - DVD + T-shirt

The venue has a bar and a popcorn machine. Refreshments and snacks will be available for purchase.

WHAT: Morning Gory Tattoo presents Black Christmas 1974 (VOA)

WHERE: Théâtre Fairmount, 5240 Park Ave., Montreal, H2V 4G7

WHEN: Thursday, December 18, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM

METRO: Laurier (Orange)

TICKETS: Universe

SEASONAL DIVAS

It's a celebration of your favourite Christmas songs sung by some of pop music’s greatest icons! Join us for a festive evening full of burlesque, art, entertainment, and holiday slay…..sorry we meant sleigh.

Izzy Stardust hosts performances by Lily Monroe, Mia Culpa, Zyra Lee Vanity, and Petro!

WHAT: Petro presents A Divas Christmas (Pop Icons Edition)

WHERE: The Wiggle Room, 3874 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y2

WHEN: Thursday, December 18, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM

METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)

TICKETS: WiggleRoom

RETROSPECTIVE

"Im shifting focus to care for the artist within myself.”

-Tobin

This is a carefully curated selection from some of Tobin's past works. The idea is to take a last look, and move forward.

FRIDAY: 6 PM til late

- Gallery exhibition

- Live music starts @ 9 PM

- Cash bar (not byob)

SATURDAY: 12 PM til 5 PM

- Gallery exhibition continued

- Espresso drinks and pastries

WHAT: A Photo Retrospective by Tobin Belanger

WHERE: & Art Space, 6311 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2S 3C3

WHEN: Friday, December 19, 6 PM & Saturday, December 20, 12 PM - 5 PM

METRO: Rosemont (Orange)

DETAILS: Facebook

RAISING FUN & FUNDS

In 2022, Kristin Govers debuted The Awkward Ballerina, a true story about living with cerebral palsy (CP) and a dream of ballet.

When I saw it in 2023 I wrote: While the piece was created as a very personal narrative to bring awareness to cerebral palsy, there are universal themes here too: the tension between encouragement and setting false hopes, the fact that no one can be good at everything, and that that's ok. I came away with the message that while our lives might not take the paths we'd wished for, they can still be full of love, joy, and satisfaction.

Fast forward to 2025, and Kristin's pregnant, she's fundraising for her new show Pregnant... And It’s Still Awkward!, and I'm performing at that fundraiser! Life's a crazy journey, eh? I recently had a moment to ask Kristin about the new play, and she was excited to talk about it. “I already knew that I wanted to write a show about my pregnancy journey, a sort of part two. But this one takes on a more comedic tone, with a month-by-month journey. The woes of a non-cooperative body, but with the added challenges of pregnancy. Lengthy and loud OBGYN visits, impossible yoga positions, daily dates with a toilet bowl, and so much more. My go-to has always been to write stuff that is emotionally-layered, but I wanted to show my playful side, one that makes people laugh and sometimes turns a scary situation into dark humour. But more importantly, it’s about the best gift life ever gave me: my son.”

"Hormones & Humour & Humanity" is a cocktail party and performance event, assisting Kristin and her company Two Left Feet Productions to raise the crucial funds for the exciting new adventure of self-production, which is both thrilling and terrifying. Kristin tells me, “It is scary, unpredictable, and demanding. But it's exciting, challenging, and most importantly, it doesn't feel like work because I'm doing what I love. I always say I wish I had done it sooner, but everything happens when it's supposed to. It's a long journey, but one I hope to continue for years to come.”

Hosted by Andrew Jamieson, performances by Le Rockonteur, PostitPaul, Dawn McSweeney, and more, will be scattered throughout the night. Headlining the event will be Kristin Govers, presenting a highly anticipated preview of Pregnant... And It’s Still Awkward! The evening promises entertainment, connection, and purpose.

As well, a CASH raffle will take place, featuring gifts generously donated by local merchants and artisans in support of Kristin’s production.

$15 Online

$20 Door

WHAT: Hormones & Humour & Humanity

WHERE: Aux Angles Rond, 5333 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1S5

WHEN: Friday, December 19 @ 7 PM

METRO: Laurier (Orange)

TICKETS: ShowPass

SOMBER SOLSTICE SHOPPING

This event is FREE to attend but contributions are appreciated and help support the event and keep our vendor table rates low. We also have Merch and Maleficarum Bags you can purchase to follow you along your Maleficarum Market adventures!

This event is open to all, but we don't censure artists' art. If you choose to come with your children, we are not responsible about educating them about the things they might see (Queer art, Witchcraft, Gothic, Vampires, uncensored Art)

NEW - GOODIE GIFT BAGS for the first 20 People that show up on Both days!

Over 20 artists in the weekend!

Special treats :

Le Saint-Motel Photo Studio - 15$ for 30 minutes - NEW Gothic Castle, Cowboy Ranch, Nightmare before Christmas and Purple 70s decors!
Goodie Gift Bag with Purchases over 300$ at the Goth Shop MTL
Free Sticker with purchases over 100$ in Goth Shop MTL
Flash Tattoos at the new Eternia Tattoos Shop

WHAT: Maleficarum MTL – Somber Solstice Edition 2025

WHERE: 4000 St. Ambroise St. #278, Montreal, H4C 3J9

WHEN: Saturday, December 20 & Sunday, December 21, 11 AM to 6 PM

METRO: Place-Saint-Henri (Orange)

DETAILS: Facebook

SOULFUL SOLSTICE

What if the darkness isn't something to escape—but something to enter?

While the world rushes toward the light, we're gathering to honour what waits for us in the sacred dark. This is your invitation to stop running and start listening.

This isn't a service to observe—it's a journey to experience. Move at your own pace through contemplative stations designed to help you discover the wisdom already living inside you:

🕯️ Build a community altar

🎶 Let reflective music and chants quiet your mind

🌀 Walk the labyrinth inward

⭐ Stand beneath the solstice sky

✨ Create with your hands

🍵 Share wassail and connection

You are the explorer. We've simply created the path.

The opening ceremony begins at 6:30 (arrive a bit early), but you're welcome to join us anytime during the evening. Bring your curiosity. Bring a friend who needs permission to embrace the unknown.

This is how we grow wise—together, in the dark, discovering what the light can't teach us.

WHAT: Winter Solstice at the Unitarian Church of Montreal

WHERE: Unitarian Church of Montreal, 5035 Maisonneuve Blvd. W., Montreal, H3Z 2P8

WHEN: Sunday, December 21, from 630 PM to 8 PM

METRO: Vendôme (Orange)

DETAILS: Facebook

EMBRACE THE DARKNESS

Join us for a night of ritual and lore on December 21st as we celebrate the winter solstice with an evening of magical performances. Get ready to hear ancient tales and witness esoteric delights on this longest night of the year. With Minx Arcana, Miss Behave, Stasilowitch, Phoenix Inana, Miss Patience Plush, Lychee Storm, Dora Bones, Cypresse and Mina Minou ready to thrill and delight you.

Plus, the one and only Play Priestess will be back with us for tarot readings before the show and during intermission, ready to tell your fortune for the year ahead.

For this show we will also have a fundraiser raffle that will be raising money for those affected by the recent hurricane in Jamaica, the exact organization is TBD but we aim to find a connection with someone on the ground to help with the much needed relief after this recent devastation. Come out to see an amazing show and help a much needed cause at the same time.

WHAT: Solstice Spells: Ritual and Lore for the Longest Night

WHERE: The Wiggle Room, 3874 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y2

WHEN: Sunday, December 21, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM

METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)

DETAILS: Facebook

JOKES OUT WEST

It's the United Comedy Crew’s Christmas Wisecracking Gala!

I'm hyped to be hosting this one! Featuring Andrew Searles, Franco Taddeo, and UCC founder Richard Mullan. These dudes have killer credits, and as always, I'm just happy to be here. Call your Wasteland friends, and tell them it's a date. Organize a carpool, or hitch a ride. (Ubers should be cheap, ‘cuz it's a Monday). It'll be worth it!

WHAT: UCC’s Christmas Wisecracking Gala

WHERE: Duffy’s Dorval, 1060 Herron Rd., Dorval, H9S 1B3

WHEN: Monday, December 22 @ 830 PM

METRO: Nope.

DETAILS: Facebook

World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!

What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…

Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company!

This edition is hosted by Zak Kik, featuring Shosho Abotouk, James Mancini, and Sarah Warren!

WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

DETAILS: Facebook

Classic Coke

Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!

Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!

Hosted by Vance Michel, featuring James Oakley, Jeffrey Weinstein, Matt Pins, Dan Kestler-D'amours, Dayna Lieberman, Martin Gauthier, and Zach Gottlieb!

WHAT: The World's Smallest Comedy Night

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

TICKETS: Eventbrite

Dirty Monday

The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!

Comics: show-up, sign-up

WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 10 PM, Show @ 1030 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

DETAILS: Facebook