McSweeney’s List (22 July 2026)
Let's talk about gatekeepers.
I know, I know, everyone's against gatekeeping, and everything is supposed to be on demand, open to all, 24/7, and we should be able to manifest our desires as fast as we can conjure them. But realistically, no.
When I worked as a telemarketer (as so many Anglos here have), gatekeepers frustrated me. Why did they have to screen calls, ask so many questions, and make my life so difficult? Because they were doing their jobs. Their bosses would've wasted incalculable time if every call went through to them regardless of whether it was pertinent. Plus, if they did that, they would've been fired in short order, because part of their job (aside from organizing, scheduling, and managing the moods of their manager – a hidden, but vital part of most of these gigs), is to deflect the useless calls.
We’re used to hearing the word triage in the context of emergency rooms, but we all triage things every day. Per Wikipedia, triage derives from the Old French verb trier, meaning "to sort," "sift," or "select"...from Late Latin tritare (to grind or sift)...the term was adopted into English as a noun in the early 18th century to describe the sorting of goods (like coffee beans).
We triage tasks, events, shows to watch – because we can't do it all, and certainly, not all at once. Imagine you have an hour before you have to leave for an event. You automatically prioritize what needs doing in that hour, the proverbial shit, shower, shave, for instance. If you start wandering your house, taking up tasks as they present themselves – oh, I should do the dishes, oh, it would be better if the couch was over here – you’ll never reach your destination on time. Likewise, you sift and sort what needs to go in your bag before you head out. You can't bring it all, that's ridiculous, so you choose the items that you need-need (keys, bus pass, tampons), and some things you will probably need (hand sanitizer, a notebook, a water bottle). That's triage, yo.
When a patient calls the doctor’s office I gatekeep – uh, work at, and complains about the wait for an appointment, I try to explain that there's a system in place. Meanwhile, my brain is screaming: listen Kathy, you want to talk about Ozempic for weight loss, and there's no way I can frame that as urgent. The world doesn't stop because you woke up feeling fat, and we have shit to do.
Gatekeepers are so often perceived as bad guys, getting their kicks from saying no. Realistically, saying no is the harder choice, and considering the number of people not used to (or not socially equipped) to hear no, it also leads to a longer conversation. Saying yes is pretty great. People come in for their same day appointment thankful, and for my part, it often feels like I don't deserve the gratitude. Sir, you had a pretty bad car accident, I'm not doing this because I'm inherently nice. Ma’am, you've had a urinary infection for more than a week before you called, and I wish you'd called sooner.
Yes, I do enjoy saying no to those who are rude, or daft. No, your paperwork to own a firearm isn't at all top of our triage system, and frankly, if that makes you pop off, maybe a gun isn't for you. Or people who call for an appointment today because well, they're in the area. Listen, I'm a big fan of it's free to ask, but if that's what you’re doing, you must be ready to accept rejection graciously.
We have urgent appointments available: work injury? Come in now. Potential pneumonia? Come in now. UTI? The doctor will call you in an hour.
Sometimes people call with things that have been bugging them for months (achey knee, thinning hair) and want to be seen immediately. I ask them what makes it an emergency today: “Well, I'm off today”. Great, let me just tell the people who booked weeks ago they’ll have to wait, and let the doctor know we’ll be working late, because this idiot over here has a day off. Again, free to ask, but take the fucking no.
Some people call crying from their jobs, burnt out, and at the end of their ropes, and I'll find them an appointment in short order. This is not the same as that time years ago, when upon hearing no, a woman started to cry. The context and tone were off: she was trying to manipulate me. Instinct and honesty took over, and I asked forthright: “does this usually work for you?”. She stopped fake crying immediately.
While some people call with unrealistic demands (and a delivery that lets you know they have a habit of being rude to service staff), the majority are fine, and a second minority are fantastic. There's a subset who are afraid they're a bother, and hot tip, if that concerns you, you definitely aren't a bother. It's a sign that you're thoughtful, and aware of the impact your actions have on others.
The danger here is that while some people will call for a same day appointment for a toenail fungus (true story), these sweet don't-want-to-be-a-bother people will downplay their problems. Oh, no rush, I just woke up with no feeling in my feet. Part of triage is also finding that out before they casually book something weeks out.
A woman called the other day, asking for an urgent appointment, but reluctant to tell me why. “I’ll discuss it with my doctor,” she said. Ok great, but when you get to have a conversation with your doctor is dependent on your conversation with me. That's not a power trip, it's a huge part of my job description, and after 12 years at this desk, I'm pretty good at it. My stats on identifying shingles from calls about rashes is particularly high, much to the joy of people who have it, and can start treatment right away. The woman who wanted to “discuss her problem with her doctor”, will have to wait for his next available appointment, regardless of what it's for, because I have no idea.
The guy with the toenail fungus did get an urgent appointment, because he was concerned about passing it to others. I got a very gentle talking to, wherein the doctor explained that it's not actually that contagious, despite marketing to the contrary, and he could've waited.
But this isn't only about me: it's about all the gatekeepers. It's about the security guard who checks your bag and tells you not to walk past that line, the bus driver who tells you to move to the back so there's space for others, and the usher who tells you to quiet down during the show.
Not all heroes wear capes. The Jessica Kirson show I went to in May overlapped with the hockey playoffs, and it was immediately apparent that one audience member had had a tough time deciding where to turn her fandom. She arrived at the theatre in full Habs gear. Now, you do you, Boo, but she was also standing and holding up her team flag in lieu of laughter. Like, the punchline would come, everyone would laugh, and she would stand and wave her flag. She was aggravating on impact. Thankfully, the usher didn't wait until the crowd turned on her, and shut that shit down. Because gatekeepers, at their core, are here to facilitate and maintain order.
If everyone just stood at the front of the bus, we wouldn't get anywhere. If ERs suddenly abandoned triage, as if tummy aches and lacerations were on equal footing, people would die. We need rules, and those rules need enforcers. If you can't be happy about it, at least cut us some slack, because sometimes those decisions benefit you, and when they don't, know that this time they're benefitting someone else.
And if you're one of those who believe that all gatekeepers are assholes, check your approach. Sure, I get complaints, but I also get a lot of gratitude at my job; holiday cards, words of kindness, loads of smiles, and people thanking me outright. So maybe, just maybe, if gatekeepers are always assholes to you, it's because you're being an asshole. Flies, and honey, and all that jazz. If you come in with kindness, you might still get told no, but at least you won't jack your own blood pressure in the process.
GROW WITH US: Call for Writers
If you are obsessed with Montreal's music, dance, or visual art scenes, we want to give you the platform, and the tools, to write about it. 🎨✨
Forget The Box(.ca) is Montreal's most devoted online arts magazine, covering and amplifying ground level, underground, and marginalized art. We are the main project of Forget The Box Media, a federally incorporated not-for-profit organization. 🏛️
We are looking for people who are passionate about Montreal's arts community! Whether you're a seasoned journalist, an aspiring critic, or an artist who wants to pivot to writing, we provide the support to help you shape your ideas, alongside a dedicated platform to get your work published and read by the local community. 🫂
As we expand our coverage, we're looking to recruit writers interested in three vital sectors: music 🎸 everything from DIY loft shows and underground releases to local indie labels pushing boundaries; dance 💃 everything from street and contemporary, to experimental movement that defines Montreal's physical spaces; and visual art 🖼️ highlighting the indie galleries, street art, and artist-run centres that make up our city's creative ecosystem.
Forget The Box(.ca) offers writers:
💰 Honorariums
🧠 Writing Workshops
👥 One-on-one mentorship
🎟️ Access to local art events
📣 A Platform
🤝 Community
🚀 Open doors to larger publications
You don't need a big portfolio to start. If you have thoughts on local music, dance, or visual art, and want to spotlight some of the great work of local artists, reach out to us! 👋
📷 First photo: Provided by @growvemtl at @turbo_haus
📷 Second photo: Provided by @wafdcreations, taken by @susanmossphotography, featuring performers Rémy Saminadin, Nindy Banks, and Marie-Reine Kabasha
📷 Third photo: Provided by @wip.works, featuring work by @alexis1million
How to Apply: 📬
To get started, send an email to our Editor-in-Chief, Candice Ann, at candice@forgetthebox.ca. Tell us a bit about yourself, why you want to cover the scene, and any relevant experience you might have (experience is not required). 📩
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Habitat Sonore presents its next programming celebration 100 years of Coltrane with a masterpiece that will stay with you for a long time: 𝘈 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘶𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦 in Dolby Atmos.
Coltrane called this album-length suite his gift to God, and it's yours to (re)discover in the ideal listening setting of Habitat Sonore! Habitat Sonore is an immersive, spatial audio listening room, providing a unique opportunity to truly be present with music, with epic sound quality, and sans distraction.
As part of its 2026 summer programming, alongside Coltrane, make sure to experience the albums 𝘈𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘋𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦 by Arlo Parks, and 𝘔𝘺 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘶𝘯 by Dominique Fils-Aimé in Habitat Sonore at PHI.
WHAT: Habitat Sonore - A Love Supreme by John Coltrane
WHERE: Habitat Sonore, 407 St. Pierre St., Montreal, H2Y 2M3
WHEN: On now through September 13, multiple times
METRO: Square-Victoria-OACI (Orange)
TICKETS: PHI
WEST END WILDLIFE WALK
Bats and fireflies! Oh my!!!
Join Les Amis du Corridor for this fun project, and see what you find at the Green Hydro Corridor in Montreal West!
Using software from Wildlife Acoustics, we are able to see and hear bats in real time through their echolocation! We will also be participating in the community science project Tracking the Twinkles, to map firefly sightings across Montreal!
(In case of rain the walk will be postponed to Friday July 24th)
WHAT: Bat & Firefly Walk
WHERE: Meet at Westminster Ave & Radcliffe Rd.
WHEN: Thursday, July 23 @ 9 PM
METRO: Vendôme
DETAILS: Facebook
PLAY IN THE PARK
How can you overcome a tyrant? No question could be more timely. Yet, it was asked 400 years ago in Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale, where the tyranny of the jealous King Leontes tears his family and kingdom apart. This tragedy can only be overcome sixteen years later through the return of his lost daughter Perdita and the rebellion of her love. For its 2026 production of Shakespeare-in-the-Park, Repercussion Theatre is presenting this classic tale, brought to life by UnCanon Theatre’s all Black and brown cast, designers, and director in an enchanting Nubian-futuristic world, where Afrofuturism allows us to imagine beyond the urgency of the now.
WHAT: The Winter’s Tale
WHERE: Mont-Royal Cemetery, 1297 Foret Rd., Outremont, H2V 2P9
WHEN: Friday, July 24 @ 7 PM
METRO: Snowdon (Orange & Blue)
DETAILS: Facebook
OUT WITH A BANG
Catch some tunes as the last show of the Violatour tour hits Montreal!
Dooplah Pootch, and Ghidorah are releasing a new split album, and will be performing along with Neurotoxic Cocktail, and Hakapik.
It's gonna be a heavy night!
$15
WHAT: Violatour x Turbo Haüs - Neurotoxic Cocktail, Hakapik, Ghidorah & Duplah Pootch
WHERE: Turbo Haüs, 2040 St. Denis St., Montreal, H2X 3K7
WHEN: Sunday, July 26, Doors @ 7PM, Show @ 730 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 10 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
