McSweeney’s List (11 March 2026)
NO PRIZE FOR SILENCE
For many years, I considered myself low maintenance. Well, I was repeatedly told I was low maintenance, which was cast in a positive light, and I began to see myself that way.
Guys called me that. I didn't have the same requirements or expectations that they, well, expected: I didn't need fancy dinners or shiny gifts, I didn't demand they dress better or ditch their friends. Women called me laid back and easy-going. While my neuroses and irrepressible thoughts of death (thanks, Barbie, I feel seen) are generally only evident when I spend enough unguarded time with someone, most of my social life is marked by a watery, go-with-the-flow tendency. I'm not one for grudges, and don't mind late cancellations. I've been told that I'm very chill even when the inside of my brain is climbing the ceiling, and chasing its tail. But what if it comes from a darker place than hippy dippy live and let live? And what if I'm not actually low maintenance at all?
Growing into a “low maintenance” person usually stems from a variety of childhood scars: emotional needs being shut down or simply unmet by your adults, being chided or rejected for your needs or responses, being the household peacekeeper or held responsible for the feelings of grown-ups. (I didn't make this up, here's an old Psychology Today article that goes deeper.)
Some people reward low maintenance behavior, albeit in a backhanded way. They compliment your lack of need (or at least your reluctance to voice your needs). They feel good about themselves when you're satisfied with the crumbs they leave you, and they brag about how it's probably the most crumbs you've ever gotten. They call you easy to please, which sounds like a good thing, but not with that tone. For the record, I do pride myself on being easy to please: the day the sun through trees ceases to amaze me, or sparkles lose their magic, I will have lost something precious.
The fear that you can be too much or need too much, and this will chase away those you love, keeps many people silent. We don't want to ask for something not given willingly, and we certainly don't want to ask for something only to find out it isn't available. And so, we hold our tongues, make our sacrifices, grin and bear it. I believe, however, that things that can be destroyed by truth ought to be.
And the truth is, I've never been low maintenance. I need a lot of time and devotion from a partner; I need friendships that burn with intimacy like a hearth even when we haven't spoken in weeks. From everyone, I need a lot of conversation, an intelligent, creative, and patient springboard to bounce my theories and perspectives off of (basically, I process everything out loud when possible). I need the other person to have creative and novel thoughts that shift my point of view or at least give me new things to consider. I need to feel a sense of understanding. For me, soggy fries in a car with good company will win over a tedious dinner at the fanciest spot in town every single time. To the good company, I'm low maintenance; to the tedious, I'm impossible to please.
Over the years, I've not only learned to ask for what I need, I've honed the specifics that I ask for. In my 20s, interpersonal drama created the illusion of intimacy; in my 30s, periodic blowouts and tears could convince me that they cared. In my 40s, I’m much better at asking for what I need, and spotting who’s incapable of filling my needs despite wanting to.
At first, asking is hard. You aren't sure how to articulate your needs, and there will be times when you're told you can't get that here. There's a learning curve: you can't get a good mocktail everywhere. Some places only have booze and soda, and you just accept it, drinking soda till you can't anymore, because you're already there. The next time someone suggests the place, you have to decide if soda is what you're after; if you're not in the mood for soda, it can only take you so far. As with drinks, so with people: you have to know what you want, and what they can provide.
Our wants and needs change, both through time, and situationally. (For instance, I put milk in my coffee sometimes, and switch from social butterfly to I’d rather be home in a heartbeat.) It can be tricky to be fully on top of what it is we need, especially if we never stop to examine it. It can be doubly difficult if we're convinced that we only need what we're offered without asking. It requires some reflection to understand what your needs are, to tune into your wants, especially if you've been ignoring them. Only from there can you assess where your needs aren't being met. It's a bit of uncomfortable work, but it's an investment, and you deserve the results. Dare I say, you need those results.
There are no prizes given out for Person-Who-Needs-The-Least, or Person-Who-Suffers-in-Silence-Wishing-They-Had-More-or-Different. No awards, just you sitting there with yet another soda, trying to convince yourself that it tastes like something else. That's a shitty place to be. You deserve the coldest water with extra ice (if that's what you're into), or the bougiest, weirdest mocktail. I can pound sodas like a sober frat boy, but sometimes nah. Recently I had a mocktail with verbena syrup and olive brine. I’d never had it before, and couldn't know for sure I’d like it, but I definitely knew how to ask for it. That's an analogy, Friends; ask for the thing -- out loud and directly -- and see what this spot really has to give you. You might be surprised by what you discover, or you might decide it's time to find a better bar.
ENDING THIS WEEKEND!
Check out Creative Director Andrew Jamieson’s review HERE.
An unapologetically queer, Jewish story, Falsettos grew out of a series of shows written by William Finn and later collaborator James Lapine between 1979 and 1992. Combining March of the Falsettos and Falsettoland, the musical debuted on Broadway in 1992 and has been tugging at audiences’ heartstrings ever since. At its core is the journey of a Jewish man who leaves his wife and son for another man in New York in the late 1970s. Chaos and comedy follow as his wife falls for his psychiatrist, his lesbian neighbours become his doctor and Bar Mitzvah caterer, and his son struggles to make sense of his new world - all with the looming AIDS epidemic around the corner.
A very absurdist musical, Falsettos blurs the line between reality and the ridiculous, poking holes in our ideas of family, masculinity, femininity, and love itself. Our production further explores the absurdity of “growing up” by bringing toys and the concept of play to the forefront. As the characters grow, their world shifts around them, reminding us how quickly the weight of reality can crash in—no matter how desperately we try to play pretend.
Presented by Contact Theatre, with support from the Stage Forward Fund.
Content Warnings:
This show includes depictions of homophobia, antisemitism, illness and death from AIDS, family dynamics, and discussions of therapy, divorce, alcohol, mental health, suicide, self-harm, sex and sexuality and the usage of curse words.
WHAT: Falsettos | Presented By Contact Theatre
WHERE: Segal Centre for Performing Arts, 5170 Côte-Sainte-Catherine, Montreal, QC H3W 1M7
WHEN: Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday @ 730 PM, Sunday, March 15 @ 2 PM
METRO: Côte-Sainte-Catherine (Orange)
TICKETS: SegalCentre
POETRY & FICTION
At Chimera, guests get a chance to read their own works of poetry and/or fiction to a supportive and encouraging audience.
Everyone is welcome.
No reservations or tickets.
Sign up the night of the event to read, or just come to support!
5-minute time limit.
Hosted by Mel of Phoenix Curiosities at NDG's Librairie Phoenix Bookstore
WHAT: Chimera Open Mic - Read Your Own Works of Poetry and Fiction
WHERE: Phoenix Books, 5928 Sherbrooke St W., Montreal, Quebec H4A 1X7
WHEN: Thursday, March 12 @ 7 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
MUSIC IN BLOOM
Strange Flowers presents A Night of 20-Minute Sets Volume 2!
Featuring:
Joshua Marc Séguin - Fresh off the boat from Central Europe, Joshua will be playing all new piano love songs written in Vienna and other far-flung exotic old-world places.
Christina Bell - Everything you wish she was and more - Christina Bell serenades the void!
Martin Saint - Martin Saint presents stripped down versions of his electric songs showcasing catchy hooks, poetic lyrics, and a rich baritone voice.
Peach Guevera - After a seven-year hiatus Peach Guevara is back with new and old songs, touching on the highs and lows of being human.
Beaver Sheppard - I believe in all the gods.
With visuals by bibjpeg
And MANY fairy/Christmas lights!
15$
WHAT: Strange Flowers Presents An Evening of 20-Minute Sets Vol. 2
WHERE: Casa Del Popolo, 4873 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1R6
WHEN: Friday, March 13 @ 8 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
TICKETS: VenuePilot
MUSIC TO ROCK OUT TO
Underground Fuzz & Radio Patente deliver a night of prog rock and franco funk!
$10
LITERARY HIJINKS
Accent brings you another evening of poetry and prose hijinks featuring guest readings by Clementine Morrigan, Laura Mota-Juang, and Robin Warren. As always, sign up for the open mic at the door!
WHAT: Accent Vol. 133: “Obiter Dicta” with Clementine Morrigan, Laura Mota-Juang, & Robin Warren
WHERE: Bar Le Record, 7622 St. Hubert St., Montreal, H2R 2N6
WHEN: Sunday, March 15 @ 8 PM
METRO: Jean-Talon (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
AND THE MASTERPIECE GOES TO…
Lights. Camera. Paintbrush! On Oscar night, we’re rolling out the creative red carpet for a Watch & Paint at the art studio.
The Academy Awards will be on live, and instead of just sitting on the couch at home, you’ll be watching in a room full of people making art, reacting to the show, and turning Hollywood glamour into creative inspiration.
Think of it like a viewing party, but way more fun, and way more creative! Co-hosted by Dr. Lemco & Daniel Carin!
Dress fancy if you want (not recommended!). Make art about your favorite films or performers. Laugh at awkward acceptance speeches. Cheer for the winners. And leave with your own award-worthy creation.
Expect Bingo Cards, Personal Ballots, Finger Foods, and loads of banter during the commercials!
Whether you’re a film buff, a casual viewer, or just someone who loves a good themed night, this is a playful, social, low-pressure way to experience the biggest night in movies.
What’s Included:
All materials & tools, including paints, canvas, easels, palettes, brushes, and more.
Supportive guidance & facilitation throughout the session by Dr Lemco.
A relaxed, welcoming, and judgement-free environment to create freely.
The opportunity to meet people, make something meaningful, and share your work (if you'd like).
Take home your very own masterpiece.
Complimentary tea bar.
Feel free to bring any food & drink you’d like!
Spots are super limited, so snatch up tickets now!
WHAT: Award Show Paint Party!
WHERE: Dr. Lemco's Creative Club, 5271 De Maisonneuve Blvd. W., Montreal, H4A 3K6
WHEN: Sunday, March 15, 7 PM - 10 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
TICKETS: DrLemcosCreativeClub
THE RETURN OF THE FEMMES
After a 3 year hiatus, we’re thrilled to invite you all to the 5th edition of the Benefit Concert Femmes pour Logifem: The Return of the Femmes.
This genre bending musical event will be a night of woman-fronted music bringing together diverse voices. Started in 2019, these live and virtual events have raised over $32,000 to help Logifem financially.
All funds raised will be donated to Logifem.
Featuring Naghmeh, Julie Neff, and Nazanii.
Logifem has been a vital part of Montreal since 1988. This organization provides accommodation and support to women and children experiencing homelessness. They offer long term shelter, transitional apartments, and since October 2024, permanent apartments. The vision is to equip and empower women and children to leave the cycle of homelessness and thrive.
Tickets are $20. Any purchase above that amount will be eligible for a tax receipt.
WHAT: Concert Femmes pour Logifem: The Return of the Femmes
WHERE: Casa Del Popolo, 4873 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1R6
WHEN: Thursday, March 26 @ 7 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
TICKETS: Zeffy
KINDNESS & CACKLES: ON SALE NOW!
After a successful Ladyfest debut, Toast’Er returns for a second edition!
This all lady night of laughter is a show like no other! Comedians pair off for toast battles, raising each other (and the vibes) to new heights! The compliment-offs are interspersed with comedy sets by this talented lineup, and the laughs are guaranteed!
Dawn McSweeney hosts, featuring Flo Penicaud, Julie Santini, Dayna Lieberman, Saanya Nanda, Elspeth Wright, and Abby Stonehouse.
Come out and enjoy a night of positivity, kindness, and cackles!
WHAT: Toast'er - Compliments Are Popping Up!
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Monday, March 30 @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel, featuring Chris Venditto, Walter Lyng, and Peter Bowen.
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!
Hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 10 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
