McSweeney’s List (10 September 2025)
Let's talk about my blunt force mouth. While no one has tapped me to speak on their behalf, I'm speaking for all the mouths like me (and the trees, because I love the Lorax).
Consider the social dances we do: the way we soften truths, put pretty icing on shit patties, and spend inordinate energy trying to make people comfortable when we ourselves aren't. That's inefficient, eh? Sure, being polite is nice, and socially valued, and often lubricates a sticky social situation, but how far does that go? Should we tell our bestie she looks great when she doesn't? How long do we have to politely speak to a creeper to let him down easy before we drop the act and remember that “no” is a full sentence?
Social energy has been on my mind lately. I generally want to do more than I have the energy for, so I've been paying attention to my energetic spending. Where am I spending it? Which vehicles for my energy have a good ROI, and which seem to cost more than I budgeted for every damn time? I've realized some interesting things.
One thing I wondered about was the logic behind being nice to people you don't like. I know some appearance based folks who will roll out the red carpet for people they don't respect. People who say things like “I know you don't like him, but you should invite him anyway; it's the nice thing to do.” Nice for whom? It's not being nice to myself to associate with people I don't like so someone can catch a picture of the fraud, of us masquerading as an amicable relationship. It's not nice to the person I don't like to lie to them and give them the false impression that I actually want to spend time with them, and it's not nice to the other people at my party to invite an asshole just to make the asshole feel wanted. I'm not sure who we’re trying to impress here, but I don't have the time for it, and I certainly don't want to spend my limited and precious energy on such nonsense.
But it makes people uncomfortable when you say true shit that doesn't need saying. What true shit doesn't need saying? When your bestie asks if she looks fat in that dress, she wants you to tell her honestly so she doesn't go out looking like a whole house. While it would be wrong to say: “Girl, face it, you's fat, let's go”, it's vitally important to be honest enough to say "it's not your most flattering fit, let's make this better so you’ll look as beautiful as you really are”.
People who weaponize their ignorance are counting on you to be too nice to stop them. Returning from a break the other day, a co-worker told me that a client needed something he hadn't been sure how to do. Really? He's been at this office for about 10 years now, so it rang as a cop-out. Can I probably do the thing faster and better? Yes. Does that mean he can't do it at all, and I must return from every break to a stack of tasks he didn't feel like doing? Fuck no. So, as I did the thing, I walked him through it out loud (probably with well earned condescension), and he acknowledged he probably could've figured it out, and I agreed. We won't be having that conversation again; next time I will look him dead in the eyes and tell him to do it.
As everyone seems super sensitive to harsh talk and blunt truths, at a time when so many people scream that they're triggered when you say they're anything less than perfect, it feels very important that the population at large get to hear from the other side.
I am made extremely uncomfortable by faking, and watching others fake. It feels like a scream building inside me, and the longer I'm near it, the more I feel smothered; throat closing, pressure increasing. And just like some people feel the need to be over-and-above nice because of where they come from, I feel the need to say the thing that breaks the illusion because of where I came from.
I come from a place where truths were not spoken; on the off chance that they were unavoidable, they were cushioned and excused to the point of removing all accountability, agency, and possibility to move beyond them. Hurt people, hurt people, so any harm done was really done by someone else, not by the person currently doing the damage. Poof! Blameless.
When that same co-worker the other day said that I was less sensitive than him, I clarified my position. I am sensitive; pretty super sensitive, actually, to a myriad of things including the discomfort of others. But I also understand that clutching my heart and saying awwww to every damn thing is unproductive. Being sensitive isn't an action, it's a state, and as much as it might make you feel like a good person in some unsubstantiated way, it's still what you do with your feelings that matter, not your feelings themselves.
I am sensitive, but here's this situation at hand that requires an action plan, not a poem about how it makes me feel. My upbringing didn't have action plans, it had tear stained sleeves, buried hurts, whispered feelings. It was built on excuses and intangibles, and concrete actions were often seen as exceptions; but they didn't mean it, but their feelings, but their childhood made them do it. I've seen whole lives stagnate and dissolve under the weight of trying to be nice. I've seen people bleed to death from biting their tongues.
Thankfully, I'm always slightly confused by socializing, which gives me some fresh eyes. I'm not sure what the right thing to say or do is (smiling and nodding, an occasional “oh my, really?” seems super acceptable, but why am I supposed to do these things? What am I (or them for that matter) to gain from that? I do understand that small talk is much like dogs sniffing butts, or cats vocalizing (these analogies have made me appreciate the practice more, actually, and I'm super good at talking about the weather these days). But when we carry that logic over to more serious interactions, we’re doing a disservice.
The other day someone expressed to me that they had been sober for 10 years, but fell off the wagon six years ago. They wish they were still sober, but tragedy hit their lives, and well, here we are, was the vibe he gave, shrugging his shoulders. There's a good chance he hoped I would lower my voice to a near whisper, Tsk once or twice, and say yes, the tragedy. And now you must drown, I gettit. But what I said was “today can be day one”. (I don't say this lightly, in fact I'm counting down the less than 90 days until my First Year Dry article.) He didn't look impressed, but anything less would've felt like excusing and enabling to me.
While we're trying to bubble wrap the world so as not to hurt any feelings, please also be conscious of those whose feelings are hurt by silence. The lives that have shrunk to fit the quiet, the sacrifices nice people (especially women) have made to ensure that everyone is comfortable and smiling, especially when they aren't.
What are you trying not to say, Dear Reader? How much energy could you save by speaking your truth? How much time could be saved over the course of a life by omitting “not to be rude but” and just saying the damn thing? How much more intimate and authentic would your relationships be if you spoke your truth? Carl Sagan is often paraphrased as saying "Anything that can be destroyed by the truth deserves to be destroyed by the truth," and I couldn't agree more. You deserve to speak, and receive truth. That's how you know you don't at all look fat in that, that you truly are a stellar, beautiful creature, and that I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. And no, I'm not advocating that we go out and be assholes, but I am saying that pouring sugar on shit wastes sugar and does nothing for the shit. Free yourselves, My Darlings, from the tyranny of niceness.
FALL IS ALWAYS PUNK SZN
A VARNING is more than just a punk festival—it's a gathering of hearts and minds from across the globe, rooted in D.I.Y. ethics, loud music, and loud resistance. Expect killer bands, and a celebration of equality, respect, solidarity, and inclusivity.
Come rage, and be part of something real. Your support keeps the scene alive!
With Disturd, Varukers, Träume, LANGUID, Lifeless Dark, Flower, Flores Nucleares, Invertebrates, Yellowcake, Cross, Innocent, Extensive Slaughter, Metalian, Epaulet, Hedonist, Warkrusher, Reactöri, Puffer, Venenö, Shooting Pain, Schenectavoidz, Cell Deth, Mirage, Trenchraid, Bloodies Angels, High Anxiety, Endform, Spleen, Piege, Portal Tomb, He Lies In Ruins, Pied-de-biche, Systema De Muerte, Psychic Armor, and Eulogy.
WHAT: A Varning From Mtl Festival XVII
WHERE: Piranha Bar, 680 St. Catherine St. W., Montreal, H3B 1C2
WHEN: Thursday, September 11 through Saturday, September 13
METRO: McGill (Green)
TICKETS: ThePointofSale
SHARE YOUR WORDS
At Chimera, guests get a chance to read their own works of poetry and/or fiction to a supportive and encouraging audience.
Everyone is welcome. No reservations or tickets.
Sign up the night of the event to read or just come to support!
5 minute time limit.
Hosted by Mel of Phoenix Curiosities at NDG's Phoenix Books.
WHAT: Chimera Open Mic - Read Your Own Works of Poetry & Fiction
WHERE: Phoenix Books, 5928 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H4A1X7
WHEN: Thursday, September 11 @ 7 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
WEST SIDE’S BACK, ALRIGHT!
Cheap Laughs is back from summer vacay, and ready to get you giggling! Get ready for the best night you’ll never remember at Rustik Pub!
This week I'm hosting a killer lineup of some of my favorite MTL comedians! We've got Walter Lyng, Cecee Huys, Collin Ryan, Erik Intrevado, Dayna Leiberman, Dan Kestler-d’Amours, Abby Stonehouse and maybe a few surprises!
Truly the best thing you could ever do on a Thursday night. And cheap. Did we mention how cheap the drinks are?
CHEAPPP!!!
Plus, now the show is even more affordable.
We’ve included 10 FREE EARLY BIRD TICKETS (get them before they expire) and regular tickets are now only $10!
Seating is limited in this cozy venue so get your tickets now!
Giddyup!
WHAT: Cheap Laughs at Rustik Pub
WHERE: Rustik Pub, 5621 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H4A 1W4
WHEN: Thursday, September 11, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
*INHALES*
This weed friendly, all-levels art night is hosted by Dr. Lemco’s Creative Club. All supplies provided. Yes, ALL. No experience necessary. Very chill vibes, all levels welcome.
Puff & Paint is a judgment-free zone to spark your creativity, while getting a bit uh, elevated along the way. Unlock your weird, wild self through paint, laughter, and maybe a little haze.
What to Expect:
All supplies provided (yes, all, but you're welcome to BYO )
Curated music & cool vibes in a dope space
Special guests, giveaways & surprises
Live taping for YouTube
No lessons, no pressure, just fun!
Dr. Lemco’s Creative Club is a growing Montreal-based creative community founded by artist and comedian Dr. Tyler Lemco. The club hosts events that blend art, wellness, and humor, all designed to bring people together through joyful, accessible creativity.
NOMAD is a versatile creative space, hosting an array of studio events.
Tickets
$42 – includes all materials. Limited spots available!
Promotions:
First 5 tickets at 50% off
Bringing a friend? 5 pairs of tickets are Buy One Get One
Come as you are. This isn’t about perfection — it’s about self-expression, good humans, and good energy. Bring a friend!
More exciting updates about this event to come, so stay tuned!
WHAT: Puff’N’Paint - Dr. Lemco’s Creative Club
WHERE: NOMAD, 129 Van Horne Ave., Montreal, H2T 2J2
WHEN: Thursday, September 11 @ 7 PM
METRO: Rosemont (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
EATING TOGETHER IS BETTER
Join the D+Q Cooks! Cookbook Club to share delicious food with fellow cookbook lovers! A cookbook club is like a traditional book club, but instead of talking about a book we’ve all read, we all make a recipe (or multiple recipes) from a cookbook, share pictures of our dishes on the event page, and gather together at the bookshop. The club is hosted by Isabella Geddes and is free to attend.
For this edition of the club we are reading Soups, Salads, Sandwiches by Matty Matheson. Want to start cooking? Buy the book here.
About Soups, Salads, Sandwiches: Chances are you’ve eaten a soup, salad, or sandwich in the past day (or maybe all three). This trio makes up so many of our meals but is rarely given the attention it deserves–until now. Matty Matheson, known for his bold, innovative flavors, has created a cookbook that will revolutionize how you think of these kitchen basics. This book is for anyone and everyone, offering up Matty’s signature twists on the classics, delivered with minimal effort for maximum flavor. Packed with character, personal stories, scrumptious recipes, and vivid photographs of a day-in-the-life with Matty and his family, Soups, Salads, Sandwiches will have you fearlessly whipping up your own combinations in the kitchen.
WHAT: D+Q Cooks! Cookbook Club: Soups, Salads, Sandwiches by Matty Matheson
WHERE: Drawn & Quarterly, 176 Rue Bernard St. W. Montreal, H2T 2K2
WHEN: Sunday, September 14 @ 630 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
BDAY LIVE POD
It's Dan “Lilah” Carin’s birthday and he's celebrating by broadcasting Montreal's #2 radio show, CJLO 1690's Advice By The Fireplace, live from Theatre VME with special guest comedian/actor Chris Sandiford and some special surprises. Advice is nice!
WHAT: Advice By The Fireplace Live
WHERE: Théátre VME, 5337 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1S5
WHEN: Friday, September 12 @ 830 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Put your knowledge to the test! Whether you're a history buff, a pop culture guru, or a sports fanatic, there's something for everyone. Grab a pint, enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company. Hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises! Hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: The World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the best uncensored open mic in town. Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up.
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 1020 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
