McSweeney’s List (15 July 2026)
Regular readers will know that I've recently moved to the South Shore (I refuse to turn in my Montrealer card though). What you probably don't know is that I work in the West Island. Oh, and I don't drive; as in can't…as in, never even had a learner's permit. So I knew there was going to be a significant shift in my schedule, and a learning curve on the best way to get from A to B (ironically, those are also the transit zones I travel through), but I still thought this would be simpler at first than it actually was.
For context, I'd commuted from the Plateau to the West Island for years. Metro-bus-bus, the whole thing took about an hour and a half. For the last two years though, I'd been carpooling door to door, about a 30 minute ride. I was eager to get back to riding solo though, and looking forward to getting to the office early. I believe early is on time, and think it's tacky to arrive when people are at the door waiting, even if it's technically before start time.
My first super nerdy complaint is about the Opus card. We all understand that different sectors have different ticket prices, but did you know that you can't put certain off-island fares onto your island Opus? The app will only let you load unlimited evening, unlimited evening, and the monthly pass. I'd found this intentionally inserted glitch on my previous forays off-island, and while the machines in the station are more forgiving, it's only very slightly. So, when I wanted to test ride this sexy new REM everyone is talking about (saying both good things and bad), I had to get a new card.
They took my ID as they printed the thing (no idea why), and when they handed it to me, I saw that it was exactly the same card, but on the back was printed “zone A & B”. Guys, there was an easier way: just have Opus cards be Opus cards, and pay for whatever you want. But nooo, that would've been too obvious.
A regular bus pass for Montreal proper is $110, a South Shore only bus pass is $119, and my classy pass for both is $170. While that's not even the most expensive option, I left the counter feeling pretty entitled to good service.
The REM station was sleek and fresh, and I was eager to embrace it as part of my commute. The REM itself was air conditioned, with a beautiful view of sky, water, and trees, as we bypassed out of sight traffic. It wasn't destined to save me much time, but would certainly cut my transfers, and add some welcome vistas to my travels. The test run was a success, and I felt pretty confident this was the way.
Day one of actually going into the office went smoothly. As intended, the test run had given me the lay of the land: I knew where I was headed, and the whole thing worked exactly as it should. 5/5, no notes. Bus-REM-bus, the whole thing took about an hour and 45 minutes, but it was so smooth; it felt breezy.
Day two I lucked out as my boyfriend had an appointment in the west. Checking the commute time the night before, the map advised that it could take anywhere between one hour and two, depending on traffic. Hey, when the range is that big, just tell me you don't know. We left too early, stopped for breakfast, took some fun detours, and arrived early. Admittedly, I slept through most of it, but it was pretty perfect. About 45 minutes all told, and quite ideal as a passenger. 10/5, a rare treat I was grateful for.
By day three, I was feeling confident, and that was premature. I checked the REM status before leaving, as the thing has a reputation for just not participating, and all was well. When I got to the station however, I was informed that it was down on the West Island side.
“Until when?” I asked, doing math in my head. “Until seven,” the man told me, followed by a “buuuut,” and a shrug.
Confidence shattered, I opened my Uber app, but scoffed at the $50 price tag. There must be a better way. I opted to take a bus to the metro. I would still have the option to Uber from anywhere I ended up when time for practical choices ran out. And time did run out; there was no way I could get to Lionel-Groulx in time to Uber from there, let alone catch a bus.
There was a lineup of cabs already at the metro. Taxis got done very dirty by the government compared to gig drivers. They paid for all sorts of special licenses that for some reason, some guy with a car and an app didn't have to. Plus, they can take express lanes that gig drivers can't, making it faster in theory. I couldn't remember if there were any such express lanes headed that way, but I’d also been wondering about the cost differential, and this seemed like the perfect time to compare. I figured it would be a bit more, but when we pulled up to my office and the bill was $80, I was admittedly disheartened. To the driver's credit, he skipped the tip screen before handing me the machine, and gave me his business card. Impressive business acumen, kudos deserved. Bus-bus-taxi, I forget how long it took, but I'm an Uber girl for life now. Oh, and I'm never taking the REM again when I'm on a schedule, fool me twice, shame on me. 2/5 due to cost alone. Fun fact, the REM wasn't back on track until after 9AM.
By day four, I was shook. How the hell do I get from here to there?! The map told me to take a Montreal-Ottawa bus, and what the hell is that? Did they mean the 747? I figured it would make sense when I got there. Getting off at Berri, I discovered that a huge swath of Berri street was closed for construction (surprise, surprise), so my map was rendered useless. I wandered for a bit before giving up and heading to Lionel-Groulx, a back to basics approach that worked for me for years. Still, the delay cost me: bus-metro-unnecessary walk-metro-bus-bus, was two hours, and I was not a happy camper. 1/5, and that is only because I didn't cry or stab anyone. By the by, this Montreal-Ottawa bus appears to be a Greyhound style interprovincial with rates starting at $25. While not at all helpful that it populates so many of my map suggestions, it's good to know options like this show up if you're, you know, going to Ottawa. Pretty fucking useless to get me to Kirkland though.
The next day, stressed, but not hopeless, I got back to my roots, aiming for Lionel-Groulx from the jump. Bus-metro-metro-bus-bus, one hour 45 minutes: super early, no surprises, and I guess this is my new system. 3/5, and hey, that's alright.
What gets me though, is that there should be a better way. After all the money spent on the REM, and the bragging, and the buses they cut, and other routes they created, it should've began a new era of Montreal transit. Instead, we seem to have a very expensive foible. How does a brand new train not work in perfect weather, and what does that say about its future in the snow? In fact, so far the stats show it's been delayed or stopped more frequently this spring/summer than it was over the winter, and that's a mind boggler.
I expect that it will at some point become reliable, but when? They say some of the problems are because of the new stations, but if the thing wasn't ready, why open them? The changes made to so many existing systems while this one is still getting the hang of the job, made me wonder who they actually consulted about the thing.
Driving in Montreal is already a shit show, and I understand the motivation to provide a better system that would encourage people to leave their cars at home, but that only works if the new system uh, works. Despite valid complaints about lack of parking at stations, the reliability of the thing itself is paramount.
While I hope I'm wrong in the long run, right now the REM seems like one of those big ideas Quebec had that they executed in a bubble, getting it done in a half-assed way that serves no one (except some already bursting pockets along the way). Meanwhile, our metro system continues to crumble, and we’re told there's simply no money to fix it.
I love Montreal, and I hate when we do things that can further embarrass our city. I say further, because between our never ending language debates (and the economic stagnation that creates), the fact that Quebec always has one foot out of the country (see previous), and the international joke that is our perpetual and poorly done construction, we have enough strikes against us. It would've been really nice if the REM was a win, something tourists and commuters alike could enjoy. And maybe that day will come, but it's definitely not today.
GROW WITH US: Call for Writers
If you are obsessed with Montreal's music, dance, or visual art scenes, we want to give you the platform, and the tools, to write about it. 🎨✨
Forget The Box(.ca) is Montreal's most devoted online arts magazine, covering and amplifying ground level, underground, and marginalized art. We are the main project of Forget The Box Media, a federally incorporated not-for-profit organization. 🏛️
We are looking for people who are passionate about Montreal's arts community! Whether you're a seasoned journalist, an aspiring critic, or an artist who wants to pivot to writing, we provide the support to help you shape your ideas, alongside a dedicated platform to get your work published and read by the local community. 🫂
As we expand our coverage, we're looking to recruit writers interested in three vital sectors: music 🎸 everything from DIY loft shows and underground releases to local indie labels pushing boundaries; dance 💃 everything from street and contemporary, to experimental movement that defines Montreal's physical spaces; and visual art 🖼️ highlighting the indie galleries, street art, and artist-run centres that make up our city's creative ecosystem.
Forget The Box(.ca) offers writers:
💰 Honorariums
🧠 Writing Workshops
👥 One-on-one mentorship
🎟️ Access to local art events
📣 A Platform
🤝 Community
🚀 Open doors to larger publications
You don't need a big portfolio to start. If you have thoughts on local music, dance, or visual art, and want to spotlight some of the great work of local artists, reach out to us! 👋
📷 First photo: Provided by @growvemtl at @turbo_haus
📷 Second photo: Provided by @wafdcreations, taken by @susanmossphotography, featuring performers Rémy Saminadin, Nindy Banks, and Marie-Reine Kabasha
📷 Third photo: Provided by @wip.works, featuring work by @alexis1million
How to Apply: 📬
To get started, send an email to our Editor-in-Chief, Candice Ann, at candice@forgetthebox.ca. Tell us a bit about yourself, why you want to cover the scene, and any relevant experience you might have (experience is not required). 📩
COFFEE & COMEDY
We’re bringing the park vibes indoors! Come hang with us at Shäika Café for a fun, relaxed, and spontaneous night of stand-up comedy. Our jokes pair best with a slice of their carrot cake!
Hosted by Zak Kik (producer and host of the Girouard Park comedy shows), and Vance Michel (producer and host of The World’s Smallest Comedy Night).
WHAT: Stand-Up Comedy at Shäika Café
WHERE: Shäika Café, 5526 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H4A 1W2
WHEN: Every Thursday @ 7 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
SHOP SOME ART
It's time for another Maleficarum Market, and the flavor du jour is Pastel Goth!
This event is open to all, but we don't censure artists' art. If you choose to come with your children, we are not responsible for educating them about the things they might see (Queer art, Witchcraft, Gothic, Vampires, Uncensored Art)
NEW - GOODIE GIFT BAGS for the first 20 People that show up on Both days!
Over 30 artists in the weekend!
Check the vendor list here!
SPECIAL TREATS:
Le Saint-Motel Photo Studio - 15$ for 30 minutes
Goodie Gift Bag with Purchases over 300$ at the Goth Shop MTL
Flash Tattoos at the new Eternia Tattoos Shop
Tickets for Inchoo Bijoux raffle at the Entrance!
WHAT: Maleficarum MTL – Pastel Goth 2026
WHERE: 4000 St. Ambroise St. # 278, Montreal, H4C 2E1
WHEN: Saturday, July 18 & Sunday, July 19, 11 AM - 6 PM
METRO: Lionel-Groulx (Orange & Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
SUMMER OF SHOPPING
Join us for another Summer Market by My Friend Frankie! We have invited over 30 local artisans who will be selling their handmade products. Here you will find unique ceramics, art prints, stickers, jewelry, crochet, candles, pastries, and much more.
WHAT: My Friend Frankie's Summer Art Market
WHERE: Westmount Park United Church, 4695 De Maisonneuve Blvd. W., Westmount, H3Z 1S4
WHEN: Saturday, July 18, 12 PM - 5 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
AFTERNOON CONCERT
THE BIG BAD JUG BAND is a psychedelic jug band from Orillia and Hamilton, Ontario. We write comedy songs performed in styles of yesteryear. Our gonzo take on jug music mixes rock and roll, doo-wop and bluegrass progressions with a raucous panache. The Big Bad Jug Band brings the sounds of old into the ears and minds of now.
Listen to them here!
ALLISON VON DER LANDE SOLO SET
I been all over this world.
Hitchhiked motorbiked and rannnnn
Tasted almost every kinda fruit on earth
Looked at
every mannnnnnn
Listen to her here!
WHAT: The Big Bad Jug Band & AllisonAllisonAllison Matinée
WHERE: Turbo Haüs, 2040 St. Denis St., Montreal, H2X 3K7
WHEN: Sunday, July 19, 230 PM - 430 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
EVERYBODY IN THE POOL!
There’s only one way to beat the heat this summer and that is by diving into Foufounes Electriques for some absolutely refreshing pro wrestling!
The action will be cool, and crisp, when the stars of BATTLEWAR make a splash, including “Triple X” Sexxxy Eddy, Giant Tiger, Les Brasseurs, Michel Plante, Plein Gout and BATTLEWAR Champion, Thomas Dubois.
Summer Street Fight: "Triple X" Sexxxy Eddy and Giant Tiger vs. BATTLEWAR Champion Thomas Dubois and Twiggy
Tag Team Grudge Match: "Mononc" St-Jacques and Mathis Myre vs. The Grays
First Time Encounter: The Evil Blanchard vs. DANTE
$20
18+
WHAT: BATTLEWAR: Pool Party '26
WHERE: Foufounes Electriques, 87 Rue St. Catherine St. E., Montreal, H2X 1K5
WHEN: Sunday, July 19, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Place-des-Arts (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 10 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
